Posted on December 20, 2016
Losing Jolie
Our dog Jolie died today. We are all very sad. We found a nice spot for her just beyond the yard under a huge pecan tree. The kids made a cross to mark her spot.
We stood by the grave and cried as a family. And made jokes as a family. Because that’s what we do.
Jolie has been my kid longer than Michael and Katelynn. We got her a week before we found out we were pregnant with Michael.
We named her Jolie because we were listening to Crazy Eddie’s Last Hurrah in the truck after we picked Jolie from the litter.
She was a good dog to us. She protected the house from the “evil” UPS driver and “shady” pool guy. She never met a rake she liked.
Her one experience with a machete ended in stitches. The one time she jumped out of the truck to chase a cow ended in hip surgery that plagued her with a tripod walk for months.
She had surgery the day after Michael was born. She ran away one Christmas but returned a few days later.
She was loyal and loved to chase a ball.
We knew Jolie was getting old. We knew she was blind and deaf. We knew the end was coming.
And even though I don’t like dogs, I sure liked this one.
RIP Jolie Dog
(YouTube video of the song she was named after link below).
Posted on December 2, 2016
Letters to my Children: Tweens to Teens
Each month I have the honor of joining a mom or two in a blog circle. Click here to hop over to Holli’s post this month.
Dear children,
What a difference a month makes! I thought the exponential growing was solely during infancy but that hasn’t held true this month. The month of Novemebe was really good to us. I am so honored to be your mom.
To my Michael,
I looked over a saw a teenager sitting next to handsome at church this month. I watched you brush your hair and swear I saw a teenager. I stood tall and realized you are growing by leaps and bounds. You officially have passed my chin. In August you fit snugly under my chin but are right to the bottom of my nose as of this morning.
You don’t fit in my precious protective bubble anymore. I can no longer hover and protect you at all times. I don’t know what you do during the day or who you are talking to/with/about.
And you just don’t need me to.
We are entering a new season. Thank you for letting me stick around. Thank you easing into this season.
I need you to know, I’m not ready but I’m going to do my best to be cool about it.
Love you more-mom
To my girl,
The tween trenches have not felt as deep this month. You and I took a girls trip to San Antonio and I feel like we really found each other. I had been feeling so defeated and lost. I’m thankful that we could come together and figure out how to trudge through this as a team.
You are not a little girl anymore. This is our last year for Santa and the last year that innocence will be a real part of the Christmas season. Thank you for giving me one more year to move the elf and support all the traditions that make you feel safe and secure and life magical.
I see you listening and learning the hard stuff. I see you adjusting and figuring out how to weather the drama that seems to be all around. I hear your laughter and joy. I hear your hurts too. I love you so.
To the moon and maybe further-mom
Posted on November 9, 2016
Throw your feelings in the air…like you just don’t care
I woke up this morning unaware of last night’s outcome. I didn’t stay up late because I still have a full day today and being tired would be more harmful to my Wednesday than whatever the news reported late in the evening.
So, of course, I checked Facebook to find out what I missed as I slept soundly in my bed.
The first post I had in my news feed clearly identified the winner but not by name. I knew because of who wrote the words and the emotions and feelings shared. As I read what she wrote, I was so hurt for her. I knew that this emotional roller coaster we found ourselves on would inevitably end in a winner and loser and a lot of feelings. I hate that the post started with a necessary disclaimer because family and friends vote and view differently.
We woke the kids. Made lunches and breakfast. Fixed hair and brushed teeth. Then, I mentioned who had won the presidency.
We haven’t been really political. We’ve discussed because both of them are hearing and learning. Our home was and always will be a safe place to talk things out and learn. I learn from them as much as they learn from me and handsome. But I want it to be true for who ever comes to my home.
I told M and K that today they would hear lots of emotions. Some people will be very sad and angry while others will be happy and probably boastful. I charged the kids to be kind and have good manners. Listen and be respectful.
We can not tell someone how they feel is wrong. We can not tell those who are fearful or sad today that their feelings are not valid and very real. We can not write them off because they believe something different than we do.
I want to hear when my friends and family are hurt and be a safe place to stop and rest.
I hope you can be a safe place for someone to stop and rest today.
Big hugs and high fives to my family and friends today.
Posted on November 2, 2016
Letters to my children: Now it’s November
Each month I participate in a blog circle with some incredible moms. Click Here to ready Holli’s letter and see her fantastic pics. (Well, after you read my sarcastic words to my kids then click on that link. Her loving words will be a breath of fresh air).
Michael and Katelynn,
October rushed by. It was way too full and I found myself so stressed several times this month. Stop participating in things and being accepted into organizations. It’s all very exhausting for me.
Michael this month you were inducted into the National Junior Honor Soctiety, signed up for a trip to New York, played a lot of baseball and an equal amount of football, sand a solo in the choir concert and managed to keep your grades up. It’s incredible.
You’ve also managed to become more like a middle school boy this month. Moody? Yes. Funny? Yes. Annoying? Yes.
You’re still pretty cool even though you don’t think I’m cool as much anymore. I love you anyway. You are my favorite son.
Katelynn what a difference a month makes. We had some testing done to make sure that your episodes were not medically related. They are but we know how to manage them now and have made great progress identifying triggers and finding solutions. You’re still moody but we know what and why it happens. Just having answers seems to have given you confidence.
You rushed around with me all month. You’ve mastered snapchat and found your groove at school. You decided not to take dance this year so you haven’t had as many obligations so far but that’s all about to change. Because volleyball tryouts were the last weekend in October. And we get to be a part of the same team again.
This morning you announced to me and dad that you thought Santa would really start working over time now that it’s November. I’m so glad your innocence is intact and that we get to play Santa for another year. Thank you for another year of wonder and surprise.
Having middle kids has been an adjustment. I think it may be harder to parent you now than it was when you were toddlers. I also think I may have romaticised that time when your didn’t talk back or stomp off. I’m sure I’ll look back at these mini-dramas and smile when you two are 15 and 13.
I love you guys. You make my life full and fun.
Posted on November 1, 2016
18 Halloweens
Halloween of 1998, I left work and headed to the Jolly Fox to play pool. I was in a black pencil skirt, white dress shirt, tights and heels. I also had whiskers drawn on my chubby cheeks and cat ears on a headband.
I went to have a low key night. Little did I know that the most beautiful man in the world would be there too.
I knew who he was. I had seen him at the pool and around the apartment community. I knew he was tall, kind, and tatted out. I also knew his name but that’s about it.
I thought I was good at pool and decided that I would beat him at pool. I was so nervous. The wager on the game was a kiss. And he beat me handily. Easily.
As he walked over to collect his debt, I calmly (nervously) informed him that I didn’t believe in public displays of affection.
That statement has haunted me for 18 years.
Being the gentleman he was, he didn’t make me pay up. We played more and I had my first impromptu date with my handsome.
Halloween has never been my favorite holiday. But I’ll celebrate this day for the rest of my life because Halloween 1998, everything in my world changed.
Happy “first date with handsome”!
Posted on October 11, 2016
Because write 30ish…
I didn’t stop today. Well, I eBay shopped and cleaned floors and scrolled Facebook. But I didn’t stop to think and share today.
I feel like I have so much to tell you sometimes. Other times, producing words is hard and exhausting.
Some days are like that. Some days are full of words, others are not. Some days there is no pause. If there is a pause, you cherish it.
I hope you cherished a few moments today. Happy Columbus Day. Happy “no kids in school” day. Happy Monday.
I worked and we found another kitten. It’s behind the wall and will talk back to me but we can not reach it. That in itself is worth celebrating.
Found kittens and slow paced Holidays are good.
Posted on October 10, 2016
Pausing.
Do you have too much going on? Do you feel the flash of the day and wonder how life could possibly speed up every day!?
I’ve been thinking s lot of stopping and pausing. Because I don’t stop and pause in my day, I’m finding its just what I need. But putting that into practice has been challenging.
I was able to appreciate this “need to pause” since I went to the prayer retreat on Friday. Today I practiced a pause. I realized a couple of weeks ago that my non-church-goers and athiest friends spent Sunday’s in more of a sabbath frame of mind that I do. They post pictures and words on Sunday’s that show them spending time with family and hanging at parks. They enjoy their family and the beautiful world.
I go go go and forget to stop and rest.
So I took time to rest today. (I actually weeded the garden and flowerbeds which slows me down and feels like a pause to me.)
We had brunch and lots of snacks. The kids played outside and inside. They yelled and threw balls. They got along and argued.
(We found the missing kittens and set up the perfect bed for them.)
How did you spend the day? How do you rest? How do you stop and pause and enjoy your family?
Posted on October 9, 2016
Hole Filling
Write 31 changed to write 30ish yesterday. I wanted to stop and write down all my thoughts and share the goodness I jumped into. But I didn’t.
Yesterday I stopped. Paused. And spent time with my soul sisters. We laughed and told stories and listened and sang (and I may have swayed to the music too!)
My home church had their annual Prayer retreat and my friend made sure I didn’t come up with any excuses. Last year I crawfished on her and backed out. Last year I wasn’t in a good place to spend uninterrupted time in prayer. Last year would have been full of ugly cries and embarrassing anger expressions.
These ladies taught me how to do church and how to be a Jesus lover as an adult. I had it down in high school. Then took a couple of years “off”… The women at my home church showed me flaws and hurts, love and laughter, joy and friendship. They showed up and stuck around even when I pushed them away. They didn’t let me retreat when the battle seemed overwhelming.
So I went to the retreat. Had my soul fed. And hugged the heck out of some necks. I miss these women and that church. I miss being comfortable and confident.
But I’m so glad God took us to a new place and had me start over. Trusting when that was all I had left has strengthened my view of life. Battling God with decisions and circumstances solidified my love for Him and for his people. It’s the hurt that helps me know that He will catch me when I fall, even if I think I’ve hit the ground.
You know you need a tribe. If you don’t know that…listen, you need a tribe. Those people that show their heartache and holes.
When you realize you aren’t alone, then you can hold your head up in those stinky circumstances.
Go! Find your tribe! Cheers to you and those you “life” with.
Updated on October 7, 2016
So Over Thursday
As we leapt over the hump of Wednesday and kicked those clowns in the shins, we found ourselves falling to the ground of Thursday.
Thursday means we have eaten things in the car or at a concession stand and that we are all sweaty and tired. We cram homework after showers over paper plates of left overs.
On Thursdays he footballs. We watch. Seems like it’s hotter on Thursdays than any other day of the week.
So today I’m hot and tired and had a parenting implosion mid-afternoon. To say it was an under-whelming day, is an overstatement.
“H-anger” gets us every time. Lately, sister has been exponentially hangry about 7 days out of the week.
It’s like a switch. One minute we are fine and funny and lovely. Next minute, mad and pissy and agitated. Blink and we (she) may be weepy.
Today, her punishment was no concession stand food. And she sobbed! (We may have a problem….)
Remember the clown madness yesterday?
Today our emotional roller coaster had a brief layover in crazy town.
I don’t have it in me to be poetic about this madness. I only have enough energy to share with you.
If your Thursday was a little under-whelming, you can dry your tears and pat your back. You are in good company.
Let’s all rest well tonight. Start fresh in the morning.
Posted on October 6, 2016
What’s up with the clowns?
I can’t do scary!
In middle school I watched a Freddy Cougar (Cruger?) movie and didn’t sleep for weeks. That water bed scene scares me every time I look at it. That fear was still very real when I got married and handsome had a water bed!
My objection to being scared probably has a lot to do with my aversion to Halloween. Maybe it’s not the costumery…although, the whole dressing up thing does wear me out.
We don’t watch scary movies or even the commercials on TV. We don’t go to haunted houses. We don’t approach creepy houses or pretend that we are brave when we are trick or treating.
Fear is the worst.
I try to protect my kids from scary things too. I try to. But despite my dedication to protecting and shielding them from the stuff of this world, scary stuff still creeps in.
What is the deal with the clowns? Why is it in my Facebook feed? What are you even talking about?
This clown madness has trickled into the elementary school. And that fear has infiltrated my kids thoughts and dreams. Sister has been having nightmares this week but she didn’t tell me why or what was happening.
It was the Clowns!
We rushed in from church tonight. She locked the doors and begged me not to go to the chicken coop and lock them in. She even got upset when I had to go back out to get my phone.
What is this fear? It’s totally not okay.
I sat with her for a few minutes and let her get the sobbing out. I listened as my sweet sister girl gushed about how afraid she was. And I’m powerless to fix this for her. No matter what words I say, she’s not going to hear me. The fear has made itself real in her head.
Just like any other fear in your life, we have to face this head on. You are only born with two fears in life: falling and loud noises. All the other ones are learned fears from life experiences.
You know this means we are going to have to kick the first clown we see in the shins, right? Shin kicking. That’s how the Lewis’ face our fears.
Are we the only ones with the clown fear?
How do you help your kids through fears and worries?
(What are we going to do about the clowns?)
