Posted on October 9, 2015
I miss teaching. I miss talking. I miss discussions with the Holla Mommas on all things that make up our today. I miss hugging my soul sister and sharing how very real God is today.
An unexpected byproduct of our move has been the missed things above. Most of my misses involved words and community and comraderie.
I can talk to my Handsome (but it’s not the same…he doesn’t care about my nails or if I’m growing my hair out or now).
I started Love Like Breathing because I needed to talk. I need to tell. I need to say the things. But the last two days have been hard. And I feel confident I hit an all time low with the snake heart video. (I’m going to apologize for that right now).
I was reminded today to blog about what I know. Or what I don’t know. What matters today!
The names I learned today are important. They matter.
The places I go are important because they bring me to new faces. They matter.
The faces are important because they are part of my community. My community matters.
I know God moved our family here for a great reason. I know the places and spaces and faces are a big part of that great reason.
And today…that’s what matters.
Posted on October 9, 2015
Snakes scare me. They freak me out. I don’t like them at all….ever…
Handsome had a snake when we met. (Get your head out of the gutter). It was a 8 ft red tail boa. It was big. And a snake. (I have an irrational fear of snakes….thank you toot-toot tommy.)
It was a part of who Handsome was so I went with it. It freaked me out…. So that I felt safe and not scared, I named the snake Booger. I ask handsome what the snake’s name was when I first met her and handsome’s response was…”Why would I name it? It’s not like it will come when I call it.” So snake was named Booger because boogers aren’t scary.
Tonight at the farm we killed a snake. A deathly killer snake. (I made that up but I just totally hate them.)
It was a big snake. I had the toot-toot reaction that consists of irrational fear and shivering. It was the biggest snake I’ve seen today. (Also the only one. But that’s not the point).
Brother said…”at least it want as big as booger”…
It’s been 12 years since we shared our home with booger the gigantic snake. She moved out when we moved to our first house. Along with the piranhas… We had a whole exotic super scary pet vibe for a while. I told you we were street! (Ha ha ha). I’ll tell you the piranha story too one day.
Handsome looked at brother with an inquisitive look at the booger comment.
H: Booger wasn’t it’s name.
B: What? I thought it’s name was booger.
Me: ha ha ha. I called it booger because boogers aren’t scary.
H:It didn’t have a name because it didn’t come when I called it.
Totally right….boogers aren’t scary.
That’s my wisdom for the day.
Posted on October 7, 2015
When my dad was in his late teens, he was driving along the railroad tracks picking up cross ties.
When he got to a place that was a little too muddy, he decided to drive up on the tracks and ended up getting his truck stuck on the tracks. So he got out and walked over to the house across the pasture to call a tow truck. Just as the tow truck company answered the phone, he heard the toot of a train horn coming down the tracks. He said “Never Mind”, hung up and went outside just in time to see the engine ram into his pickup. Dad started running along with the gentleman that let him use the phone.
About half way across the pasture, daddy turned to the farmer and asked why they were running.
The farmer said, “there might be someone in that pickup”.
Dad said, “There wasn’t anyone in it when I left.”
Monday will be the 4th time it has been October 12th without my dad. I don’t want to talk about it on Monday so I thought I’d share one of his stories today.
Updated on October 6, 2015
Handsome is my very best friend.
I started the day reading a blog post at CarrieWiseHeart.com titled “10 Reasons you don’t need a boyfriend or Girlfriend in High School”. You can read it here. I agree with every word of it. Her 10 reasons are spot on. So you can just hop over and read her post knowing that the rest of my words are just a big DITTO…..
My handsome husband and I didn’t meet until I was 21. That was after I innocently stalked him and fell for him before ever having our first conversation. I dated some people before him. All of those relationships were hurtful eventually. Any of the juicy details of those relationships would be disrespectful to Handsome, so I’ll refrain from too much info on them. But that’s brings me to my point…..
The relationships pre-Handsome were emotionally wasteful and exhausting.
I don’t want my children to go through the hurt I felt when those high school and college relationships were falling apart, being taped back together, falling apart again, and being thrown in the trash. I feel so strongly about teaching my children to know their worth without a boyfriend or girlfriend. I want my children to be confident and feel so loved at home that they don’t feel the need to even date until they are ready to find a mate.
My kids are not interested in the opposite sex yet. (Thank you Jesus). We talk openly about dating and how it’s a waste of time. We even talk about it when friends are over and I try to squash any conversations that are about boyfriends or girlfriends.
The world is broken. I understand that. Hurt is inevitable. I understand that too. We are all looking for love and acceptance and some of us will look any and everywhere until we find it. But dating creates a whole new avenue for brokenness and hurt. For now, I want to protect them from all the hurt and brokenness I can. If that means we don’t date until college and are judged because that whole concept is a little weird, I’m totally okay with that.
I want my little peeps in my house to feel secure and loved. I want them to feel so confident about their place in the world and their worth, that they don’t feel any draw to having any type of peer relationship other than great friendship. I want them to have deep friendships that develop into relationships as they get older.
I want to get to the end of the teen years without emotional baggage or without emotionally bankrupt children.
If I can protect their sweet hearts from it, I will.
Updated on October 5, 2015
About 20 years ago, I met Dionne Sanders.
I feel like I spelled his name wrong but I left it to hammer in the point that I’m not sure who he was or why he was famous. My roommate at the time loved him and shared his nickname. (Prime Time). So when I saw him in an airport, I had to get the autograph for her. He signed the paper. He did not make eye contact. He did not leave a very good impression….and I feel strongly he did not care.
This weekend I finally had to opportunity to see my favorite author in person. Everything she does speaks to me and helps me be a better mom/wife/lover of people. Her book, A Modern Girl’s Guide to Bible Study, gave me a love and desire for the word of God. So, I spent the weekend with my Holla Mommas and got to see this woman that really inspires me.
I thought I was cool. I mean, we are virtual BFFs but it’s not like I’m a stalker.
Oh my gosh. How tall do you think she is? Do you think she saw me? Will she be signing autographs? Will she talk tonight? Will she notice that I have on my Tiffany Wade earrings too? Will she want to be my friend?
Should I hold up my sign?
I have the privilege of being a part of a facebook group whose single commonality is that we all love all things Jen Hatmaker. We use that common ground to build relationships. To Laugh (because we all have a similar sense of humor) and to pray. It has been a beautiful community for me, especially with the move. I told the group I made a sign to get her attention and that I was going to hold my sign up without shame.
For two days, I held my sign.
After her fantastic session, I scooted down to the line to meet her.
Me…..and about 200 others stood there with the hope to me her. As we stood, all excited to finally meet our BFF, we visited and laughed. Once again, I found a “community” whose commonality was Jen Hatmaker. I think it is beautiful that this woman had brought us together. In line we talked about children, about family, about missions, about church dating, and about being driven to do so much more.
My new little tribe didn’t get to walk in and meet her. We didn’t get to have anything signed. We didn’t even get to say something witty to elevate our BFF-ness from cyber to real. But I still held my sign….
Then it happened. The fame brushing that excited me more that I should probably admit.
Jen Hatmaker came out to the hallway and walked right by our #the4500 tribe. She is familiar with our group and was so kind to acknowledge we were there. She totally gets that we all think she knows us and is our best friend. She totally gets that we waited to see her to tell her thank you for all the words and laughs.
She walked to us and seemed to match our excitement. She grabbed my hand and we did a girly yell thing and she said “What do I do?”…we commenced posing and selfie-ing for about 30 seconds before she had to move on.
Then we stood there in her wake…checking the pictures we just took….realizing that none of our selfies had our face in them. I got some great pictures of strangers. Instead of being sad we missed that moment, this group began checking pictures and faces and started texting random faces to the phones that matched the faces. It was beautiful. I texted 6 different numbers in the span of 20 minutes. All of women will forever be a part of my fame brushing story.
I didn’t get a picture of us together, which is probably best because of the whole “idol” thing. But a sweet chick walked up to me and said…..
“I think this is your hand in this picture.”
And she texted it to me. Documented fame
grabbing brushing. YES!!!
Community. It’s real. It can sustain you and hold you up.
Even if it’s in a facebook group.
Even if it only lasts 30 minutes.
Even if it’s just a community of Jen Hatmaker groupies.
Updated on October 4, 2015
I spent the weekend with 18,000 women. It was a good weekend of girl time. It was a good weekend to be with the girls that understand me and still like me anyway. It was a good weekend to be surrounded by thousands of women and not feel alone.
Since we made the big move, alone has been there just under the surface. A little alone is good my my soul. Tiffany-time gives me the desire to be nice to the people I live with. But too much alone time gives Crazy the green light for her judging and snipping. She’s remained silent for much of the move but as the dust settles she’s in the shadows waiting to strike.
(Crazy is the mean chick in my head. She is always up to something. Read more here.)
There were so many women in one place.
And just had a fantastic weekend.
All while surround by people. New friend, old friends, church friends, childhood friends, groupie friends and best friends.
Even though I missed a day of my writing challenge, it was worth it to fill up with for time and good food. (Let’s not mention missed day 3 again….deal?)
I’m saving my brush with fame for day 5!
Posted on October 3, 2015
day 2 of the #write31challenge and I’m 17 minutes late. But I have a good reason.
So I’ll be good about blogging and writing once my soul is refreshed.
And we have another day together. There will be so much to share.
Updated on October 1, 2015
It’s October… I’m working on a new blog and decided to take the 31 day writing challenge.
The blog is not quite finished but I’ve been working on it for over a month and decided it’s time to just put it out there and move forward. I’ve had two fairly active blogs in the past. One focused on my kids and one that addresses the other parts of my life. Here is where I will bring it all together.
Since our everything is new, I decided a new blog is in order. One that documents how our lives shape and change and bomb and win….and all of the stuff that falls in between.
I’m still pretty unsure about all of it. About the time I feel confident and good, the next step I fall and get frustrated (and may even cuss). So this journey has been more difficult than I thought it would be and I want to be honest about the struggles we face and the beautiful life that all those struggles create.
Besides…there are cows and soon there will be chickens…and I have no idea what to do with livestock. I feel like once we have chickens I will need to garden. And then I will need to learn how to can food “for the winter”. (Okay, that last part made me laugh a little).
If the whole chicken thing doesn’t work out, we can always turn the chicken coop into a really cool clubhouse….
31 days of writing and saying stuff that I think people want to hear…Sometimes I’m not sure I should share my unfiltered thoughts, but that’s what I’m going to do.
See you back here tomorrow.
The blog hopper circle is up today. I have to joy of sharing a blog circle with some amazing women. Our circle keeps us connected and accountable to blogging each month. Click Here to go to the Lavender Drop to see how my beautiful friend Jana is using essential oils for her stinky dogs this month.
Updated on September 22, 2015
We are Here.
Posted on September 17, 2015
Learning to love should be so simple. It should come naturally, like breathing. Something I don’t have to sit and think about doing. But honestly, that’s not how it works at all.
In our new community, I want to love. I want to love the slower pace and the beautiful people that God puts in my path. I want to love the limited selections and find peace in less distractions.
I want to document this progression of love here on this new blog.
I want to see and love…..like breathing.