Posted on January 31, 2016
February Letter to my children
Each month I participate in a blog circle with other moms. We write letters to our children to document the quickly passing days. Many in our circle are photographers so you can read their words and see the beautiful pictures. Follow the link at the bottom of this post and hop around until you are back here.
My little man,
That is what you are becoming. And it is painful. When you were 18 months old, I joked that you were practicing to be 2 because you were “advanced” in your temper tantrumming… Again, I find us at an “advanced” stage of teening. You can pre-teen like a rock star. The change has come about slowly. You’ve been practicing this new role for years but I was too blind to see our end result was you being exasperated and annoyed by me. But here we are…and I feel like you need to be reminded that you are in fact not a teen but an 11. This means we have about 18 months to be a real live teenager. Although I appreciate a good over-achiever as much as the next type A first-born mom, it would be excellent if you would chill out a bit and spend the next year and a half focusing on loving me and your annoying sister. (Be nice to dad too.) Let’s practice loving each other and save being annoyed for our real teen years. Okay? I love you so. I hurt when you hurt and really do look forward to real teen years when you will become a big man. Always, mom
Girlfriend,
I am so proud of you. You are such a beautiful, justice oriented kid. The end of 2015 was such a struggle. You have new anxieties and upsets that I’m unequippes to handle. You have faced super difficult challenges with your chin up and experienced terrible sorrow that isn’t fair or deserved. And I have learned so much from you. You’ve taught me when to love and when to hold my tongue. I love the empathetic and kind lady you are becoming. As we face 2016, our challenges don’t seem to be receding. Yesterday we went to the orthodontist and had a “habit breaker” put in. When I saw it I teared up and felt regret for having to take this step. I feel ashamed that I have not equipped you to face anxieties and troubles in a way that doesn’t harm your teeth (or shame you publicly). But you were not afraid. You owned the fact that your choices brought us to this decision. I want you to remember that this really hard step was survivable. We are so at the beginning of this journey that I have no concept of what we will be facing and fighting in the near future but I trust you will be confident and brave. Thank you for teaching me how to face challenges and be okay with whatever step is next. I love you to the moon. -mom
Father, thank you for children that challenge me and love me most of the time. Please give me confidence to parent them well. And courage to say no when I really just want them to be happy. Please give me wisdom and words when they challenge me. Help me be kind when I want to be say mean words back to them. Guard their hearts from hurts. Guard their minds from the yuck waiting around the corner. Guard their words so they build and protect others. Help us to love before we do anything else. Amen.
Click Here to hop over to Jackie and see how she is surviving daily life with her people.
Posted on January 22, 2016
Eight years of blogging
When they were 4 and 2 I started blogging.
It was an outlet for me. It because a place to document how our family has changed and grown and collapsed and survived. I enjoy looking back and reading and laughing.
Today I went back to 2008 when they were so little.
Click here for a fun video of sister-girl.
Life is moving too fast. Life is filling up and suffocating. Life gets in the way of all the things I want to accomplish or sit down and notice.
I hope your daily navigation includes a little joy.
Tiff
Updated on January 11, 2016
Barefoot and Broken
We live in a broken world.
Sometimes I forget that. I get all caught up in the mundane irritations and find myself completely blindsided by this fact. And there is nothing I can do about it…is there?
As I drove down a road I take multiple times per day, a young girl darted out in front of my car and ran down the road in front of me. She was barefoot and had on oversized fleece pants and a tshirt. She made it to the corner and collapsed on the curb.
I looked at the building I had passed and saw a young man obviously looking for something.
At the stop sign, I could see her sobbing. I wanted to help. I wanted to “be Jesus to her”. I wanted to not drive away worried about her.
But that’s what I did. I didn’t feel safe. (I’m such a snob). I didn’t want to be nosey. (What an excuse). I didn’t have the nagging feeling that I was supposed to stop…so I drove on to work.
So many senarios rolled around in my head. What if she’s hurt? What if she just needed a ride? What is it was just a lover’s spat that will be fixed with an apology and a hug? What if stopping makes her situation worse? What if stopping makes me a part of a situation?
I did the only thing I felt equipped and led to do…I prayed for her. Which, to be honest, feels like a lazy and cowardly way to help.
I know we are here for a reason. I know God is leading me and my family to serve and love in our new place. I also know that I can’t fix all the hurts or the broken because there is just too much of it.
What would you do? How do you handle these unexpected reminders of our broken world?
-Tiff
Heavenly Father, I feel knotted and sad. The glimpse of something different from my life today made me realize that you probably see so much broken each day. I really don’t know how to pray for the young girl. Please help her find what she needs. Whatever it is. Please give her hope and comfort. Maybe she already has that and what I saw was out of the ordinary for her. If so, thank you.
God how do I love this broken world? What steps do I follow to love people well and help them? How can my family love this community? Please give us a heart of thankfulness and open our eyes to how we can do something rather than just driving by. Amen
Posted on January 5, 2016
Pens and busted bubbles
I love calendars. And pens. And all office supplies.
A new pen can brighten my day and give me new perspective. I collect them worse than shoes. I feel like a new pen can help me conquer the world.
So imagine my delight when the new year rolls around and new calendars/planners/pens are all around.
I’m a scheduler. And an over-committer. They are very much related. And they are all written down in my multiple calendars.
The fridge synopsis has only the week’s activities listed with which kid and time and where to be.
The wall calendar (by the fridge) has the entire year planned out and neatly color coated by person.
The desk calendar at work has some kid stuff penciled in and all the work weeks lined out all the way to 2017.
The purse calendar is where I write to keep up on the go (instead of using my phone….I just can’t).
The planner that I have worked the hardest on is a work in progress. It required new pens. And stickers. And a binder cover. And colors and highlights and flags.
But today I feel overwhelmed with all the things penciled in and color-coated. Today the reality that my kids go back to school tomorrow has weighed me down. Please understand that I’m usually looking forward to missing them when they go back to school. Their time at school (and not in my office) allows me to miss them and be excited about picking them up from school.
Today as we drove to work and I looked over at my messy haired mini-me, I was hit with a real miss of their fun and funky selves. They will be gone tomorrow. Our Christmas bubble will pop in the morning and all of the world with its hurried-ness and hairiness will barge in without an invite. I will begin competing for their minds and hearts against a world that desires to turn all that is good into something more mature and worldly and loud.
Do you feel this rush around you? Are you planner-ing and feeling the dread of how colored your days seem to be?
This year I’m asking God to refine me. This may include a release of my pens and schedule. It may include and expansion of my protective bubble to people that aren’t my family. It may mean leaving any resemblance of a comfort zone in order to serve and be used for His purpose.
It means that I’m looking forward to being uncomfortable and challenged with a boat-load of unexpected blessings along the way.
It’s not a resolution. It’s a proclamation.
This year I want to Love like breathing…without planning or thinking.
Join me? What are you proclaiming or resoluting in 2016?
Tiff
Posted on December 18, 2015
The 12 Days of Christmas
This is a repost from exactly 5 years ago on my other blog. I found it today and I feel like I’m in the same place. (Made me miss the wisdom that Kelly always shared).
As we get closer and closer to Christmas and the celebration of the birth of Jesus, I have noticed that I am going along with society by singing the same old catchy tunes and by wishing strangers a Merry Christmas because that’s what we say during this time of year.
Although I have found myself purposefully saying Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays, it makes me sad that I have found myself stuck in the Christmas rut. One week to go and Santa is not finished…
Instead of focusing on what I haven’t done, I decided to study this morning for the lesson tomorrow and found myself disappointed in the scripture selected for the week. My partner in class, Kelly, suggested earlier this week that we talk about the significance of the 12 Days of Christmas….Huh? Since the scripture is not related to the birth of Christ, I called her and we decided to talk about why we are excited about this time of year.
I have found this very interesting and have never heard it – so I felt like sharing…..
The claim is that this song was created by Catholics living in England after the Anglican Revolution. I don’t know about that (Snopes says no). I will just line out what I found for your reading enjoyment….
“True Love”: refers to God Himself
“Me”: every baptized person who is part of the Christian Faith
Importance: Christians can celebrate their rich heritage, and God’s grace, through this song during Christmas. Hearing this song will remind us in one more way of the grace of God working in transforming ways in our lives and in our world.
First Day: A Partrige in a Pear Tree
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, whose birthday we celebrate on December 25th, the “First Day of Christmas”. (Luke 13:34)
Second Day: Two Turtle Doves
The Old Testament and the New Testament, which together bear witness to God’s self-revelation in history and the Creation of a people to tell the story of God to the world.
Third Day: Three French Hens
Three theological Virtues: Faith, Hope, and Love (1 Corinthians 3:13)
Fourth Day: Four Calling Birds
The Four gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, which proclaim the Good News of God’s reconciliation of the world to himself in Jesus Christ.
Fifth Day: Five Golden Rings
The first 5 books of the Old Testament: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deutoronomy, which gives the history of humanity’s sinful failure and God’s response of Grace in the creation of a people to be a light to the world.
Sixth Day: Six Geese A-Laying
The six days of creation that confesses God as creator and sustainer of the World. Genesis One.
Seventh Day: Seven Swans A-Swimming
The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophecy, Ministry, Teaching, Exhortation, Giving, Leading, and Compassion. Romans 12:6-8, 1 Corinthians 12:8-11
Eighth Day: Eight Maids A-Milking
The Eight Beattitudes: 1. Blessed are the poor in spirit, 2. those who mourn, 3. the meek, 4. those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 5. the merciful, 6. the pure in heart, 7. the peacemakers, and 8. those who are persecuted for righetousness sake. Matthew 5:3-10
Ninth Day: Nine Ladies Dancing
The nine fruit of the holy spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Generosity, Faithfullness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. Galatians 5:22
Tenth Day: Ten Lords A-Leaping
The 10 Commandments:
1. You shall have no other gods before me.
2. Do not make an idol.
3. Do not take God’s name in vain.
4. Remember the Sabbath day – keep it holy (set apart).
5. Honor your Father and Mother,
6. Do not murder.
7. Do not commit adultery.
8. Do not steal.
9. Do not bear false witness.
10. Do not covet.
Exodus 20:1-17
Eleventh Day: Eleven Pipers Piping
The eleven faithful apostles: 1. Simon Peter, 2. Andrew. 3. James, 4. John, 5. Philip, 6. Bartholomew, 7. Matthew, 8. Thomas, 9. James bar Alphaeus, 10. Simon the Zealot, and 11. Judas bar James. Luke 6:14-16
This list does not include the 12th disciple, Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Jesus to the religious leaders and the Romans.
Twelth Day: Twelve Drummers Drumming
The twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle’s Creed. (**this part supports the claim that the Catholic church created the song)
1. I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
2. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only son, our Lord.
3. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary.
4. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into the grave.
5. On the third day, He rose again. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
6. He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
7. I believe in the Holy Spirit.
8. **the Catholic Church – (I believe there is a Catholic Church….)
9. **the communion of saints – (I believe the Catholic’s do…they are everywhere in the chapel at work)
10. The forgiveness of sins
11. the resurrection of the body
12. and Life EVERLASTING.
I think it is a neat story and a great new reminder of why we are celebrating this season….not for shopping but because of the birth of Christ.
Love and Blessings to all!
Praising Him for who He always is.
Tiffany
Some parts were edited for spelling and word choice. Reading this was a good reminder and showed me how far I have come in my quest for Loving Others!
Updated on December 1, 2015
December Letter to my Children
This is my December letter to M and K. See the link below to follow the Letters to Our Children blog circle this month.
Dear Michael,
I am so proud of you. You continue to grow and embrace our new community. You have developed a beautiful heart for the people at your school. It is so encouraging. Your heart is broken for your classmates. It is inspiring. You want to start a bible study for your school so that you can share hope and love. It is amazing.
Thank you for loving the people around you and for wanting to show them hope. Also, thank you for keeping your Santa knowledge to yourself.
Love Always, -Mom
Dear Katelynn,
You have really grown this month. At school and at home. Thank you for embracing our slow-paced life. Thank you for being honest with me about your hurts and victories. Thank you for always talking and singing and being dancing joy for our family.
I hope Santa brings you everything you want for Christmas. Please keep believing in the magic of it all for a little longer.
Love you to the moon! -Mom
Each month I have the privilege to join a blog circle of moms writing letters to their children. It’s a joy to see the talented photography and read their adventures. Click here to read Terri’s letter this month. Follow the links until you get back here. Enjoy!
Updated on November 21, 2015
Road Trip Reading
My favorite part about Facebook is the daily memory post.
Today my memory was a random blog post I wrote a couple of years ago that made me laugh.
And since we are road trippin’ I have a captive audience to read my hilarity to.
I thought you might enjoy a little random today. I hope you laugh (click here).
Here’s a sister chick from this week. Y’all they are growing fast!
Laugh and Love today.
T
Posted on November 11, 2015
Anxiety and Chickens
“At the farm” is still so unnatural. Even though this is really a partial farm, it still feels all farm-y and weird and out of my element. Once we are collecting eggs and collecting fruit from the orchard and harvesting veggies from the garden, I’ll look back at this and laugh at my city slicker self.
(Let’s pause: From this point forward, I will be using made up farm terms and made up words…Please know, dear grammar police and farm experts, there will be an onslaught of improper terms following this brief disclaimer…)
And CHICKENS??!! Ladies and gentlemen we have come to the time in a chicken’s life when they are no longer “so cute”. We have entered the realm of chicken tweens. Our girls are growing and getting awkward and nosey. They are right at a month old and have outgrown the brooder (baby chicken box).
Chicken tweens is probably not the proper terminology for our girls but it accurately describes this stage of chicken-ing. Much like a 11-13 year old, the girls are beginning to stink up the place. They are leaving their crap everywhere and climbing up and jumping around constantly.
According to our feed store chicken expert (made that up…I don’t even know if he has chickens or just identifies that I have no idea what I’m doing), it’s time for the girls to move into a bigger space. They have outgrown their baby bed and it’s time for a toddler bed.
We started this process today. It’s a process because, if I haven’t made it clear, I don’t know what I’m doing. So my farm girl and I set out to collect some hay for the floor of the coop.
We made a mobile coop so that we can roll it around the orchard and fertilize the orchard and de-poop the coop. So far we have collected poop laden shavings in boxes and bags and put them on the burn pile. Soon we will be rolling away from the poop.
The floors of the coop are made of chicken wire and slats that we can walk in (and fall between). I fall between the slats about every other day. It’s just fantastic and not frustrating at all.
But I walked into the coop and was overwhelmed with the smell and the thought of a bed switch. Just like when we moved our babies from their inescapable baby bed to the wide-open toddler bed, I feel anxious about this next step.
What’s funny about my anxiety is that…these are chickens. I bought extra for when the predators come and hand pick the most delicious. It’s just a simple bed move.
But it’s new.
And anything new has all the sudden put me on edge….at high alert…and eager for the next predator to catch me in a moment of weakness.
I’ve read all the anxious verses. Prayed about it. Cried a little. Tried to be thankful. Talked about it. And got mad.
Then I read about being still and silent. Sit and listen instead of talk and talking.
Are you in a season of drought? Of plenty? Are you anxiously awaiting a word from God or in despair because of the word you heard.
Let’s sit. And listen for a while.
Be unrushed and shushed.
Be still my soul; the Lord is on your side
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In EVERY change, He faithful will remain.
Be still my soul; the best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Updated on November 10, 2015
Thankful today, Maybe not tomorrow
Somehow the days keep rushing past. Most of the time I feel like I’m managing emotions of the people that live with me. And bowing to their urgings and requests.
It’s exhausting. And it numbs me to real stuff. I get so caught up in surviving. I forget to stop. And be thankful.
I’m in a season of new, of growth, of not having it all together. It’s a struggle…But not a real one. Not a life or death struggle. More of a spoiled rotten impatient struggle. (It’s just delightful.)
I want to be super thankful. And grateful. I want to teach my children to not be butt-heads (hypothetically….obviously). I want to not ignore the complaint because my ears shut about 4 complaints ago (not that I do this…I’m attentive to the thousands of words that leave their mouths). I don’t want to live with Debbie Downer or her brother, Pissy Peter.
Today I will be thankful. Well, right now I will be thankful and will reflect on all the reasons. Take time today. Stop for 5 minutes. ( or maybe just 2). Let the silence be comforting and reset you.
No promises for tomorrow, but check thankful off your list for today! Maybe try it again in a few days….but don’t over do it!
Updated on November 3, 2015
Talking to Chickens
Have you ever had a week that just needed to be over because you are so over it?
A week where you feel the burden of your family heavy on your shoulders.
A week where you feel the weight you have put on your body in your feet (literally) and in your heart (figuratively).
A week where you feel so lonely that the nothing is suffocating.
A week when you feel every last one of your feels and the feels of your people.
Last week was rough so I did a lot of chicken talking. Chickens don’t talk back. Chickens run to the back of the coop and stand there looking at you like you are crazy. (And I might be since I am talking to chickens).
I visited the coop to get away from feeling things in front of the kids. My feels were irrational. And mama-bear-ish. And not pretty. My chicken coop temper tantrum served no purpose. But it did make me feel a little ridiculous and remind me that I have chickens. At my new house. In our new community.
I BELIEVE GOD MOVED MY FAMILY FOR A REASON.
BUT I have no idea what it could be. As I struggle with a “why” that might be none of my business right now, I feel overwhelmed with loss and loneliness. (It’s not because the people in our new community haven’t been supportive, they have been so great.)
I feel loss and loneliness because we were so loved by our tribe. We were loved on and cared for and carried through some really hard stuff. These people showed up and huddled around me at my lowest and darkest (even if I didn’t want them to). They were my tribe and my people. They showed up to laugh and celebrate and love. I was loved so well.
My “loss” last week was selfish and impatient. I want a tribe now! I want people now! But that’s not how real life works. You build a tribe one laugh and one cry at a time.
So until the tribe is built, I will talk to chickens. I trust God will show up and be faithful and I’ll work my patience out one chicken visit at a time.
Because there is no gossip happening in the coop!
My friend Jennifer has joined me in a link up this month. She is honoring her mother with memories and sharing her loss. Click here to see how loving your family well matters.
