Posted on July 21, 2016

At Peace with NO

In May, I had the opportunity and privilege to meet Jamie Ivey. She is a podcaster that I follow/stalk on social media. I sat down by myself because I went by myself and Jamie Ivey sat at the table. And she was gracious and funny. I told her all about chickens because that’s the quick way to get a mentor-type person to admire you. (ugh…)

Her words struck me right in the feels. I had been struggling with some life stuff and almost cancelled on myself but decided I NEEDED to be at the Story Cast event and be with people…it turned out to be such a fantastic event for my heart and my head. It turns out that this day would change my direction in a very unexpected way.

She told a story about being a DJ at a radio station in Austin. (How cool is that?) And she told the other side of the story about how she quit the job because her family needed her to be home and to not be a famous DJ. It was a beautiful story about not getting what you think your heart desires because the story God has lined out for you may not be exactly how you pictured it would be.

Exciting things are not happening for me…and I’m okay with that.

I’m not selling Lularoe. I don’t even know if I told you that I was on the list and had saved the money to sell Lularoe. I waited for 3 months to be called and prayed earnestly about IF it was the right thing for our family. I didn’t want to rock the boat OR miss out on a great opportunity. I was totally torn with what I was supposed to be doing and how either decision would affect my family…negatively or positively.

About a month after the Story Cast event, I woke up at 2am and couldn’t sleep. My brain wouldn’t shut up. I had been thinking hard about what having a second job would do to our family dynamic and how it would change our lazy days. Were the amazing opportunities something I was supposed to grab hold of? What about how it would help our family financially? Is this the story I want for our family? Finally, around 5:00, I had not found sleep but I did find the very hard answer.

It came as a whisper. No. No. No.

No, don’t take advantage of this incredible opportunity.

No, don’t take a second job that could give you the money to do things you’ve put on the back burner.

No, don’t do it. Because these “middles” that are growing in your home need you.

I could work full time. I chose not to for now. I’ve worked full time in a pretty oppressive office environment and left the kids in the care of some amazing and loving women. Because that was the season I was in at the time. That’s not my season now. And I’m okay with that (most days).

Handsome woke up around 6:30…and I told him I decided No. Turns out he was leaning toward no too. By the time I got to work, the whispered No had turned to a boisterous NO. And the burden I felt at 2 am had disappeared.

For a few days, I felt complete peace with the decision and contentment with the place and space I was filling.

Have you had these worries wake you in the night? Have you said no when the logical answer looks like it should be yes? Are you far enough away that you can see how this hard answer was so right?